I got chris browned last night
so that wasnt chicken after all
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
