That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
