I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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