I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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