I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
