if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Even the bartender felt bad for me
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
