just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize