i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
be right there i have to get my cape
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
