i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
