Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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