His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
