Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
