yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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