its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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