Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
