Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
