am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
