he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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