So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
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