I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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