I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
