If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
