69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
