Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize