Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
