i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
