Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize