You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
