i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
