Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
even my farts smell like vagina
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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