Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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