She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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