Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Of course I have a pirate flag
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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