can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
