Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
