they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
