I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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