I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
