I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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