she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
