You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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