The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
