Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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