The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Found your dick twin last night
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
