do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
