please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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