I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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