it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
