Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
