these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
