pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
