If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
