I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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