When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my shit smells like andre
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
