Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize