my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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