i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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