its not stalking. its research.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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