This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
