Someone shit on the floor
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We had to coat check the pizza.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize