I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Two words: blizzard sex
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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