how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
