Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
