i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
