i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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