tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
