i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
