if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
