Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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