had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
