What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
